Life moves on

Were to begin is always hard on me. Probably because I write so seldom.

The last year has had many ups and downs. Sicknesses and health. Good times and bad.

Today I'm blogging because I have to get some things out!

Pregnancy is hard sometimes. This pregnancy seems to be sapping me more than the others did. Is it my age? Is it this baby? Is it a combination of the two? Maybe it's the other kids. Maybe... maybe... maybe. The 'what ifs' of life are what kills us. I'm grateful to be pregnant and am looking forward to this baby. Soon we'll learn if we're having a boy or a girl. I'm really looking forward to that too. But I just can't seem to calm down and not stress. Big changes come with a new baby. If we're having a girl, the bedrooms become a problem. We'll need another bedroom. There's just not enough room for 4 girls in one room. If it's a boy, will Blake really be ok sharing a room with a brother 8 yrs younger than himself? One who will cry at any hour of the night? I know we have plenty of time to figure all these things out, but that doesn't stop me from worrying.

My mom always said that I worried too much. "You're a worry wort!" she used to say. Bill says I over react, as if I do it on purpose. I know I need to change that aspect of my personality, but it's so hard!

Now, to top everything off, Bill's grandpa had a stroke. I'm so worried about him. I never was very good at getting information second hand. I always want to ask more questions than the person has answers to. It's just that I'm a hands on type. I need to see to understand. I want to jump in the car and drive to Utah to see for myself how he is doing. But I know I can't do that. So instead I sit around and worry and try to talk myself out of worrying. Boy, but that does sound crazy!

I keep hoping that tomorrow will bring all the answers to my worries. But it doesn't.

Ok, I think I'm done.